i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
