I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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