everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
