first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
