Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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