i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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