I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
