i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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