So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
