oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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