Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
