i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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