My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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