I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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