I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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