So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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