This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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