They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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