Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
