So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
