you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
