ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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