I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
