What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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