I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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