"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize