My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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