Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
