i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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