i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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