he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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