So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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