just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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