I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize