I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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