she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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