I'm lost and stupid without you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
