Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
