I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
