I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
