please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
