sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
