hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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