I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
