Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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