A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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