This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
