yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
