I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
smell my finger.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
