i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
