thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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