I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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