what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
