When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
