Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
