No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
