Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
