Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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