The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
