I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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