Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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