my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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