If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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