She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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