First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
