Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
did you just send me my own nude
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
