I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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