..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
