i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
