Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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