I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There are leaves in my underwear?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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