He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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