I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize