i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
