I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
