this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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