Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
