i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
