If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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