Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
