just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
