Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
