Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize