I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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