how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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