Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
