I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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