Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think i have two assholes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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