Jerry, you need to find god
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
