pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
