Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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