At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
