My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dear god my vagina.
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