I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
