I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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